Time for a new “Sucks” post
I understand I have some new readers, who may not properly understand what the title of this post means. So, let this serve as your warning.
I post these when I’m angry. I’m going to curse, a lot. If this sort of thing offends you, please do not click “Continue reading.”
Previous “Sucks” posts have been dedicated to Yahoo! Maps driving directions, Nationwide insurance (particularly my agent), Catalog.com (now WebHero) hosting, and Classic BMW.
I now have a GPS, I have changed hosting providers, and I sold my BMW. Due to some complications in the process and some supreme laziness on my own part, I am still with Nationwide (but I am again working on changing).
Now it looks as though I am going to be looking to change to satellite TV (or possibly FIOS or Universe service). You see? Time Warner Cable has pissed me off.
Last month, I called them because I was still on the Comcast pricing plan, and Time Warner had lowered their prices. So I wanted the lower prices. After waiting on hold for over 20 minutes, I finally got a hold of someone, who did just that.
Sounds good, right? They did exactly what I asked them to, and lowered my bill.
Uh, no. They fucked it up and turned off my cable modem. Completely. We’re not talking, “It’s running slow.” We’re talking… stopped. No service. Nada.
Another phone call, another long hold (this time, close to an hour) and I get to talk to an idiot. “Sir, everything is fine on this end.” No, it’s not. It doesn’t work. At all. I refuse to believe that something just randomly broke on the exact day that I called to get my price lowered. Someone fat-fingered something, and turned my damn modem off. [Insert about 20 minutes of me, with my infinite patience, dealing with a complete idiot]. “Let me send you to a level 2 technician.” [insert another period of time on hold] [Insert about 4 minutes flat before I convince the level 2 tech he's out of his league, and he sends me to level 3 (I think this was record time)].
Takes about 20 minutes with the level 3, but he manages to get the modem turned on.
Wait, it’s running really slow. “Oh, let me check…. uh, they not only turned your modem off, they downgraded your service. Let me fix that.”
I’m sorry, but Time Warner gets no credit for having a level 3 tech who took care of my problem. Because if they did not employ mindless zombies at level 1 and 2 (not to mention billing), then I would not have had to talk to Level 3 at all.
Fast forward to today. this was the end of a billing cycle, and this is where the cursing starts.
I get home and wonder… “where the fuck are my HD channels?” They’re all gone. All of them. Sigh heavily, curse under my breath, and dial the phone.
“Your approximate wait time is 20 minutes” Oh, I hate you sons of bitches… why don’t you hire some extra idiots to answer your phones? I hear idiots are cheap these days.
Wait. And wait. And wait.
Finally, an answer. And she she speaks english. Kinda.
“Home phone number?”
“Name on the account?”
“Can you confirm the name and address on your account?”
“Last four digits of your social security number?”
“Blood type?”
“Any history of mental illness in your family?”
“Educational history?”
“How were your grades?”
“Do you have fingerprints on file with us?”
“Are you, or anyone you know, on the TSA no-fly list?”
Good fucking grief. It’s cable TV. Not security codes used to launch nuclear weapons. Give me a damn break.
“Why don’t I have my HD channels?”
[After a lengthy delay while she looks up my account, and probably my entire credit history]
“You don’t have HD service.” Huh?
“I’ve been watching HD programming for a year, and my bill here says I am being charged for HD service.”
“No, you are being charged for a HD cable box. HD channels are extra.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me.” (Yes, I’m not proud of it, but I actually said this.) “Why would I want an HD box if I don’t get any HD channels?”
“I don’t know. Lots of customers do it.” Hmmm… bullshit they do. “The channels are an extra $3 per month.”
[Insert rant about switching to satellite here.]
End result? I’m down about 3 hours of my life that I will never get back, and I didn’t save a fucking cent. And I am going to waste more time investigating U-Verse and Satellite TV.
A vote for my favorite line:
“I don’t know. Lots of customers do it.” Hmmm… bullshit they do.
Brilliant.